6 months ago, I thought I was actually going to lose it again. Nervous breakdown imminent. Pending anxiety attacks. Hairloss. The works. However, somehow I’ve managed to pull myself together over the last few months and now I feel….bloody fantastic.
This is actually the best I’ve felt in such a long time. For one, I actually can’t remember the last time I had a little cry about my life, I’m A LOT less stressed out and I’m actually enjoying my life.
I have anxiety which has been a pain in arse the last few years with my move down to London. Somehow, I’ve managed to feel really settled here and started to get my shit together. I’ve been using the “fuck it” bucket and stopped worrying about things I really shouldn’t be worrying about. Who am I?
Most importantly, how the hell has this happened? How did I get here?
I realised, I’ve made a few changes to my life and attitude which have put me in this weird little situation I’m just not familiar with.
Here’s some of the things that changed and have improved my anxiety:
I’ve been playing hockey since I was 11 years old. You might have noticed on my social media I’ve been trying to find a new team since I moved to London, but I have been unsuccessful. I think it’s more because I loved my old team and grew up with them, no other team will ever feel the same.
I love the family aspect of the club and every team I’ve tried out with down south has cliques already formed. Most teams down south are mostly filled with Aussies and Kiwis (not a bad thing) who are only around for a few years. They form quite close friendships straight away so I find it hard to make friends that way.
Honestly, I’ve come to realise, I love blogging more and would rather spend my Saturdays doing that than running around a cold hockey pitch. For now, I’m officially retired. However, that door isn’t fully shut if I moved somewhere else.
What a difference new housemates can make. A few months ago both my housemates were moving out so I spent a few months stressing out trying to find new housemates to live with.
It’s not the easiest task. All the interviews, arranging people to come round, picking people and them letting you down, then the whole process continues. Finally, I found 2 new housemates….and they’re amazing.
Honestly, I feel really lucky. They’re so lovely, considerate, friendly. I feel like I hit the jackpot. The only thing is I don’t get to see them a lot which is also a pro too because I get the flat to myself a lot. We work alternative shifts but we are trying to make the effort to arrange a night out or two down the pub or a takeaway night in.
Not living with hermits and people who actually have a conversation with you when you come home can make the world of difference.
The best thing is we all help each other too with new blogging tricks, social media methods and advice. I feel like I’ve found a lovely community of bloggers, friends and mentors. I’m not only learning a lot but I’ve found new friends too.
I’ve found it really difficult to make new friends here in London with my Asperger’s barrier and all but I really do feel like I’ve found a nice group to hang out with and talk about what we all love.
When I started this blog just over 2 years go, I never thought I would be where I am now.
I’m about to hit 100,000 views on my blog and close to 10,000 views a month. My YouTube channel is also on the road to 1,000 subscribers (it’s been a long road) and 50,000 views.
I’m also working with a lot more brands and some dream collaborations. I’m hitting goals and making new ones quicker than expected. I’ve been working so hard and it’s all paying off. Go me!
DELETED DATING APPS
I’ve not really matched with anyone on a dating app in a few years now. As far as I’m concerned, dating apps have had their day. There’s no point in wasting my time and energy.
Even just trying to match with someone is making my confidence collapse and making me feel even worse about myself.
If I really think about it, I don’t really want to meet someone from an app. Call me traditional but I’d like to meet someone in person and see sparks instantly. You can’t really get that from a photo and a bit of text.
It’s all a bit shallow for me too anyway. It’s very judgmental for both parties. Nah. Not for me thanks. Since I hit the delete button, I feel so much better and feel like my only option is to actually get out there more and talk to people.
I’m a Anxiety travel blogger who takes breaks from travelling because of….anxiety. Ironic.
I took a step back from travelling last year to analyze my triggers and how to cope with them while travelling. I don’t want to stop travelling but I don’t want to keep risking my anxiety levels.
I realised while I’m in a full time job, I shouldn’t be burning the candle at both ends. It’s knackering me out. So instead of travelling more, I should travel less. Also I wanted to stop doing small places I wasn’t really bothered about and save my money for amazing adventures instead.
I prefer travelling in groups instead of solo travel right now. So that’s what I should be doing. Booking group travel tours to amazing locations. I feel safer, less stressed, everything is planned, it’s guided, I get lots of information about each location and some places I would miss if I was on my own. There’s also someone to help take photos for me.
Understanding what made me happier has also made me more excited for the adventures to come.
This year I’ve already been Egypt with Travel Talk Tours, but next I’m going to Alaska with Grand American Adventures, Greece with Medsailors and Hawaii with TrekAmerica.
…but there’s still room for more if I feel up for it.
KONDO CLEAR UP
God Bless Maria Kondo! I’ve had a massive clear out and organised all my draws. Everything is nicely organised and arranged. I can actually see all my clothes!
This method not only looks great has helped reduce my anxiety in the mornings. I start fresh everyday. I no longer look into my draws with dread. Before, I really struggled to pick out clothes and ended up wearing the same things. Now I’ve found old clothes I totally forgot.
I donated a lot of clothes to charity which makes me feel great too. I feel like I’ve helped someone else and I’ve helped myself in the process. It also makes room for new nicer clothes. Out with the old and in with the new.
I even make the effort a little more with what I wear. This makes me feel better throughout the day. All from cleaning out my draws.
I’ve been making the effort to see more of my family over the last year. It’s been a rough year for us but I do like going home. Getting out of the big smoke and spending time back up north really has helped. It’s also made me step back and realise whats more important.
I really do worry about the silliest things when I’m in London. It’s so fast paced here and I’m so focused on my job most of the time. It’s good to take a step back and just evaluate things. Or get your family to do it for you.
Family are really important in keeping you sane. They know you best. More than you like them too. They know when something is wrong and can talk it out of you. They know how to calm you down. For me, chocolate, Fish’n’Chips northern style and a strong Vodka Coke.
WORK! WORK! WORK!
Work/Life balance? I didn’t know what that was before. I’ve always been a hard worker. I put everything into my job. Everything! Probably too much.
There have been days/weeks where I’ve burnt myself out. Mostly due to staying late, stressful days at work and restless nights. Worrying about all the things I hadn’t got done yet, making plans for the next day. The worst one…taking work home with me!
STOP! After after my last (hopefully ever!) nervous breakdown I decided enough is enough. Yes, work hard during my shift but that’s it. Clock off, when I’m supposed to clock off. No staying late…for free! Take nothing home (thank you GDPR! One blessing from that monster!). When I’m home, I’m home. Do fun things after work.
I’m not a skinny minnie. Haven’t been since I was a teenager…and that time I was really ill! I probably won’t be ever again. I really don’t care about my lumps and bumps for the first time in my life. I also don’t care about what other people think.
Since I quit hockey, I’ve gained weight. Not denying that but I’ve also lost the will to care. I eat what I want and haven’t been to the gym in months (even though I’m still paying for it).
I’ve always swayed between being being super healthy, protein shakes, low carb means and working out 4 days a week to doing the exact opposite to all those things. Right now, I’m off the wagon, WAY OFF!
I’ve had a burst of motivation so I need to strike while the iron is red flaming hot before it dies out again. I’m not going back to the gym. F*** that! Instead, I’m going to work out at home.
If I can’t be arsed to leave the house then I need to make my own little work out room in my lazy space. I’m getting a workout mat, some kettle bells and I’ve got some YouTube workout videos all ready to go. I’ve also got my food plan sorted, shakes and my new Pinch of Nom recipes book.
I can do this!
If you have any other recommendations for food, work out videos or anything else to keep fit at home, please let me know.
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HAVE YOU NOTICED A CHANGE IN YOUR ANXIETY LATELY? GOOD OR BAD? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.