Hello! My name is Natasha. I’m 32 and I’m single. I say this like I’m standing up at some group therapy meeting. When I tell people that I’m single, I quite often get sighs, reassurance and sad looks. I’m not in trouble, I’m not an addicted to anything and I don’t have some sort of life threatening condition.
I’M NOT DYING, I’M SINGLE!
The worst part for me is the comments. “Oh, don’t worry. There’s plenty more fish in the sea“, “Men, are like buses. There will be another one around the corner” or “I heard there’s loads of guys on Tinder!” F**k the fish, F**k the TFL and Tinder….are you freakin kidding me!?!
Like many other single women, you notice more and more of your friends seem to be advancing in the adulting game quicker than you. They’ve found “the one“, got a mortgage and some even popped out their first (of many) babies. Great, their multiplying. What makes it worse, is that it all keeps popping up on my social media. Look! I got engaged! Look at me in my beautiful wedding dress! Look at beautiful child I made. Look. Look. Look. No, I don’t really want to look. I’d rather watch another funny cat video on YouTube.
I don’t want to sound completely bitter at other people’s happiness because I am happy for them really. They are my friends after all. Let’s be honest. Seeing other people in a happy relationship, just reminds me I am alone.
Then, I took a moment to realise…wait…I AM HAPPY! I don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy. To be honest, I’ve been in several relationships where I was completely miserable. I’d rather be single than be in an unhealthy relationship. Yes, I’ve made some bad dating and relationship choices, but that’s the whole point of dating. Making mistakes and learning from them. It’s all trial and error. You’ve got to rule out those trolls somehow.
I recently wrote a post “Am I single because of my Asperger’s” and I got a lot of support from it but some people completely missed the point. I would rather be single than be with someone who takes advantage of my condition or doesn’t want to be with me for one little thing I can’t control. Yet, none of the guys I’ve dated haven’t exactly had a 100% perfect geno either but I accepted their “flaws” too. Mr Gross Hobbit feet or Mr Werewolf hands for example. I’d rather have Asperger’s thanks.
Why do we think that being married by our 20’s is normal anyway and being single past 30 is abnormal. It doesn’t help that we have been influenced by fake happy endings since we were kids. Yes, I’m talking about Disney. Of course, I love Disney too but they give a false representation of relationships.
Love at first sight is for Disney Princesses,
not real people
I know you probably know someone who says they met there partner and it was love at first sight but the fact is that’s one couple out of how many? The truth is relationship are usually a slow build and no one really falls in love with someone from the moment they see them. Honestly, I find that kind of creepy.
Love at first sight is based on someone appearance first and foremost. That’s not ok. I’ve dated a few really hot guys who are “my type on paper” but they turn out to be really bad guys. As cheesy as it sounds, the most important thing for me is what’s on the inside that counts. Can they make me laugh, smile and most importantly maintain a conversation without making me bored out of my mind? I like to me kept on my toes.
Move the fairy tale endings to one side. I like to think of more modern dating stories. The ones where they really do the ground work to find “the one” but most importantly live their lives whilst doing it.
The best TV shows I can think of our Friends and Sex and the City. Yes, Friends wasn’t based on dating but looking back they did a lot of it. Their dating history is pretty incredible. Sex and the City was primarily about dating and guess what these two shows have in common…
All the cast from Sex in the City and Friends got married in their 30’s or later
That’s right 30s. NOT 20s. Except, Samantha (Sex in the City) and Joey (Friends) out of their own personal lifestyle choices which I applaud. Ross and Rachel finally got together in the final episode but let’s face it they were married once before and we’ll never know if they actually tied the knot.
Both of these TV series show the rough side of dating. The mistakes and heartache from trying to to find “the one”. Charlotte from Sex in the City is one of my favourite characters. She truly believes in soulmates, fate and true love. It’s like finding out Santa isn’t real. Bless her.
I do believe in soulmates, finding your true love and all of that rubbish. However, I am more realistic about it all. If you are lucky enough to find “the one” in your 20’s then good for you but for most of us it’s going to take us a lot longer so it’s nothing to worry about.
I now live in London, where the dating pool is a lot bigger and which also means there are a lot more options. Coming from a small town, I’m use to everyone knowing everyone and if you don’t get settled down quick then the single pool gets shallow pretty quickly. Big cities have an infinity pool, it never really drys out but it a lot harder to find someone you’ll actually like and to settle down. There’s too much choice.
Modern day dating is a lot more complicated and harder to find someone now than it ever has been. That’s not just coming from me and other single girls but my married friends too. They honestly wouldn’t know where to start.
Back when my friends were single and dating, social media and dating apps weren’t really a thing yet. Everyone met in person. Now, everyone is so glued to their phones, laptops, tablets and computer screens, it’s very “normal” for people to meet online.
You can’t get love at first sight through meeting someone online.
That’s why I started Speed Dating. It’s a great way to meet people and it’s fun. If I don’t like someone, I don’t have to go through a full normal date and watch the clock till it’s over as Speed Dating dates are only 4 minutes. I’ve met a lot of nice people too and it’s making dating fun again.
The thing to remember is, dating is fun. People forget this and as soon as your in a couple or settled down you do miss the excitement of it all. Meeting someone new, first dates, first kisses, learning all about them, text flirting and if it doesn’t work out then it’s onto the next. Trial and error.
There’s also all the things you can’t do in a couple. Doing what you want, when you want. Not waiting for them to make a decision on anything. Watching what you want instead of watching what you hate because you have to take it in turns. Going out with your friends without having to let some else know when you’ll be home. Then I have my favourite which is travelling all the time, where ever I want, when I want.
There is no rule that you have to be married by 30. Write your own rules.
Do I want to be single for the rest of my life? God no, but I’m having fun while I wait…
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Are you single in your 30’s and loving life? Tell me know your thoughts in the comments below!