I would like to say that I believe the answer is NO, because most of my ex’s were nobs. Jokes. Well, not really. They really are nobs. I had very bad taste in guys, just ask any of my friends of family. However, I do believe my Asperger’s has taken some role on my dating life.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was a child but I didn’t really understand what it was till I was an adult. I just carried on as normal. This word was written on my education forms and my teacher’s all treated me differently in class but I didn’t know why? Then I noticed everyone was treating me differently and I was confused.
I’m on the mild end of the Autism spectrum (everyone technically is) but my main form of Autism is Asperger’s. With this comes a fun little package of other conditions which I also have to deal with such as ADHD, OCD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, short term memory loss and a partridge in a pair tree. I also have anxiety and suffered from depression. All are at different levels and most people never really notice. Some are quite common in my day to day life and other only rear their ugly heads once in a blue moon.
People say to me all the time…”I never would have known you have Asperger’s.”
I noticed I was different to my sister’s and cousins in primary school. I was shouted at more by my teachers and family than the other kids. I was struggling to learn in school and was getting frustrated that I couldn’t read as well. However, in art class I thrived and loved drawing and painting. I struggled to make friends and was usually sat alone. I hated being different and I didn’t understand why. I hated school, full stop.
By High School things just got worse. I was secluded a lot. No one really wanted to talk to me. My anxiety and depression got worse because of this. I was bullied more and called weird.
Somehow, by Sixth Form I finally got accepted for who I was and made some friends. I even started having relationships but not many lasted. My Asperger’s just made it too difficult and hard for me to interact with boys. Every relationship felt like a trial and error situation.
There is no cure for Aspergers. I just have to learn how to deal with it.
I see the world very differently which can make conversations very difficult. I feel very uncomfortable when new people try to touch me if I’ve only just met then, like continental kisses, hugs or even a hand shake. I also can’t make direct eye contact for very long. These are all huge problems for me when I’m trying to date or make new relationships.
I was watching First Dates on Friday night and there was an Autistic guy on a date and he said “No one wants to date someone Autistic”. This shocked me because I never really thought about it before. Am I fighting a loosing battle? Have all my relationships failed because I have Aspergers? Is that just the sad truth because I have a label, no one would want to be with me?
When I think back to all my past relationships, they’ve either figured it out after a while or I’ve told them. One of two things have happened. Either, it ends or they take advantage. The second one is harder to talk about. Sometimes, they express everything is my fault and they shout at me with their frustrations. I would rather it end than be treated this way. Other than that, most guys after a while of mentioning the “A” word made rubbish excuses that made no sense.
I’ve ended some great relationships because of my Asperger’s. Either, I couldn’t handle it or the anxiety of having to tell them was just to great. I really have tried and since my last relationship failed 3 years ago, I haven’t taken to plunge into a new relationship since.
Since I’ve moved to London, I have been dating again but I have been struggling a lot while adjusting to my new life here. I think it is going to take someone really special, ticks all the boxes and makes me feel safe around them. I just want to meet someone who makes me laugh and happy. Makes me forget I have all these little nuisances going on in my head. Someone I can have fun with and who wants to explore the world with me.
I’ll never be normal. I never want to be normal. Normal is boring. I just want to be accepted for who I am.
I’m not just my Asperger’s! I’m a bubbly, fun, active girl who loves films and travel. I love my friends and my family. I don’t take life too seriously and have the loudest, craziest laugh ever. I’m smart and creative AF. I’ve had my own cake decorating business, I have a degree in Television Production Management and started a blog which recently made me a finalist in the UK Blog Awards. I’m brave. I travel the world solo or in groups, testing myself all the time. I worked in America for 3 summers. I moved away from my home town to work in London. I love my life. I just want someone to love me as much as I do and be just as awesome as me.
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Have you got Aspergers? Have you had problems maintaining relationships? Let me know in the comments.